KANSAS CITY - Officials announced today that current Royals GM "Dayton Moore" and UVA Men's basketball coach "Tony Bennett" are one and the same. It is not clear at press time if the man behind the complex and unprecedented double sports life is truly Moore, Bennett, or some as yet undiscovered third identity.
"Bennett" has been the head coach at the University of Virginia since 2009 and has been known in basketball circles for years, claiming to have been born in Wisconsin in the late 1960s. "Moore's" age is similar, though he is known to friends to have decried a Kansas birthplace.
The news came as a shock to both the baseball and basketball worlds, though not everyone has been upset.
"Frankly, I'm impressed," said Virginia fan Thomas Tidewater, "to coach those really boring Washington State teams and spend years methodically building the Royals farm system and acquiring former Braves at the same time? Amazing."
The net began to close on Moore/Bennett a few days ago, when he told a group of UVA beat writers that his biggest worry in ACC conference play was that "we don't have enough starting pitching, but hey, I didn't draft Luke Hochevar. Wait, I kinda did. No wait, I didn't. I mean, I'm a basketball coach."
An anoynmous source tipped off KC and UVA officials with photographs and the list of the exceedingly high number of college players from DC and Northern VA by Moore as Royals GM.
"He was trying to kill two birds with one stone." A local UVA observer tells Royals Review, "I think we were seeing a man running down the end of his rope after years of elaborate deception."
"We wouldn't see him around much in the winter," said Royal 2B Chris Getz, "but sometimes we'd see him in March and he'd always seem really frazzled and tired. Nobody knew."
Despite uproar it is not apparent what the future holds for Moore/Bennett, the Royals, or UVA basketball. Legal experts believe that almost certainly some degree of fraud was committed, but the case could take years to unravel.
"You don't do this alone," said FBI regional officer Mike Johnson, "we're still piecing together an incredibly complex case."
MLB Bud Selig has announced that he will hold off on taking action until all the facts are known, but added, "overall, this is a sad day. I blame the Players' Association and the agents representing amateur talent for allowing this to happen."
6 recs | 80 comments
Silly games can cause real harm
FUNNY FUNNY…Your life really must be boring to think up such a wild tale. But to suggest there might have been fruad committed makes me sick. You are on the verge of destroying two different individuals. Take a very good look at pictures of G.M. Dayton Moore and pictures of Coach Bennett. The hair styles are totally different, one has greying short hair and the other has longer wavey hair that doesn’t appear to be grey.
Time to fess up and admit your just playing around!!!!!!!!!!
Aguylooking09 - February 5, 2012
You forgot the sarcasm font...
Oh, you didn’t? Um, ok, well I gotta go, um, no not available Tuesday…um, no not Wednesday…um, yeah, I’m booked the whole month, see you later (runs away)
PhattStairs - February 5, 2012
marbotty - February 5, 2012
Most memes are way overdone (obvious guy is obvious I know)
But this pic is perfect. Well done.
Warden11 - February 5, 2012
hair is the easiest thing to manipulate my friend
Freneau - February 5, 2012
Sorry Charlie
When the hair is that short cropped as is Dayton Moore’s then almost impossible for a wig to be that short and known as a rug.
IT’S A STUPID ARTICLE THAT COULD CAUSE SOMEONE REAL HARM. DON’T MIND A JOKE FROM TIME TO TIME BUT NOT ONE THAT 90% CERTAIN TO CAUSE INJURY.
Shame Shame Shame on the author.
Aguylooking09 - February 5, 2012
You are either a comedic genius
Or a mentally unstable person……I say 80% mental 20% comedic
tiquanunderwear - February 5, 2012
100% Awesome
philofthenorth - February 5, 2012
Please explain
I think you may be onto something, but I want to hear your explanation as to how this could cause harm.
This could be really entertaining.
RoyalsRetro - February 5, 2012
Seconded.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
What if it's true!
That would certainly cause harm. It would be like the time Will destroyed that antiquarian bookstore in Boston.
mazoboom - February 6, 2012
Its like Will has no soul
RoyalsRetro - February 6, 2012
Who rec'd this?
KeepItCopacetic - February 5, 2012
I did
The tone, hyperbole, and exclamation points of the response is funny. Whether that humor was intentional is another question.
Loose Seal - February 5, 2012
Alright, you got a chuckle out of me.
I think we can officially say that the offseason has reached its nadir.
RoyalPug - February 5, 2012
Does this mean
we can finally get rid of Chris Getz?
Black and Gold - February 5, 2012
Rec'd for picture caption alone
PhattStairs - February 5, 2012
i'd like it better without the erroneous apostrophe.
SandalsNoPants - February 5, 2012
Ga!
Freneau - February 5, 2012 via mobile
Wahoo-wah
Wahoo-wah. Uni-V, Virginia, Hoo-rah-ray, Hoo-rah,ray, ray, ray. U-V-A.
BeauJackson - February 5, 2012
All white people look alike to me
RoyalsRetro - February 5, 2012 via mobile
first thing Mrs. RR said to me about this post was that DM wasn't white
but that Bennett was
Freneau - February 5, 2012
It's all part of his ruse.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
A ruse?
Ring ring!
Hello?
Hi, it’s the 1930s. Can we have our words, and clothes and shitty airplane back?
Call you back 1930s. And hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He’s a bad egg!
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
I'll have you know that Dickie Bennett (Jeremy Davies's character on Justified)
just used the word ‘ruse’ this past week. He did mispronounce it, but whatever.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
He did, didn't he?
Thanks to Archer, I’ll never hear the word ‘ruse’ the same way.
Thanks to Justified, I’ll never think of Apple pie the same way.
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
Yep.
Everytime I eat apple pie I worry that it’s going to kill me.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
^Every time^
Dammit
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
That show makes me want to write about a badass like Raylan
Or write for television. Something. It’s so good and I wish I could do that.
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
Ditto.
Season two really clicked.
I have the same feeling often, but the other show that really got me in that vein of thinking recently was Terriers.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
I'll just write some Justified fan fiction
Which, you know, will be pretty much acting out sexual fantasies with Raylan and Winona.
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
I recently picked up Pronto and a short story collection with Fire in the Hole included.
Haven’t read them yet because I’ve been in a pronounced reading nadir of late, but I fully intend to do so soon.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
How much writing do you do?
Did you study English in college or just take some Creative Writing classes on a lark?
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
I write a lot.
Got an English degree and took some creative writing classes as well.
I’m also applying to grad school for an MFA in creative writing because what the heck else am I gonna do?
NotAHippie - February 6, 2012
Where'd you go?
Are you writing for a living? Writing what you want to write? Writing online?
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
Door To Door
Philosophy. Anyone can do it.
philofthenorth - February 6, 2012
And where are you applying?
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
I went to Southern Illinois
You know, home of the Salukis. Same place Macho Man Randy Savage went to. And Dennis Franz.
SIU has a top notch MFA program, but I’m not applying there because while I did like it there, I don’t want to go there again.
So I’m applying to Boston U, NC State, S. Carolina, Central Florida, KU, and California-Riverside.
Not writing for a living. Just esoteric short stories with hints of meta-fiction. Or something like that. Writing a terrible novel right now. With a pen. I should write for Cracked, but I guess you have to be funny to do that.
NotAHippie - February 6, 2012
A schizophrenic homeless guy I know went there.
He talks about it all the time. Kyle Nelson. I’m sure you know him.
You publish at all? How terrible is the novel?
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
The DC-3 Is
Still a very useful aircraft.
philofthenorth - February 5, 2012
how does this make the front page... seriously
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe - February 5, 2012
seriously?
Loose Seal - February 5, 2012
Someone hasn't been around very long
This is a prototypical RR story; such a story reveals the heart of RR’s essence.
And these (like Mitch’s summer camp tales) are always my favorite to read.
thehopper - February 5, 2012
He can write this all he wants...but it shouldn't be on the front page.
Write something like Royals Authority 40 man roster review during the off season if you can’t think of things to do, or put the predictions for the lineup on the front page from the fan shots, or do anything really royals on here on the front page.
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe - February 5, 2012
But wouldn't that make this blog Royals Authority Junior?
And not the one and only Royals Review?
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
Why can't this site be more like every other site out there????
RoyalsRetro - February 5, 2012 via mobile
Conform!
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
I'm not saying that...
that was an example to do during the offseason. even if they did do a roster review/preview use different stats like the heat zones to see where possible holes could be in each of our hitters swings or see where the pitchers miss too much like one was done for danny duffy on his off speed pitches. just saying that I would like to see more of that during the off season.
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe - February 5, 2012
Why?
So RR can be just like every other Royals blog out there? It’s called a niche, and RR/Will has sort of carved one out.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
Needs more Polk Points
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
not to mention the fact that we've dissected nearly everything there possibly is to dissect about this team...
and what hasnt been done already, will be done during ST.
i almost want our team to stay bad so our precious little site doesnt get overrun by these idiots
billybeingbilly - February 6, 2012
Agreed.
Some of us may have our inane little quarrels, but at least we’re all on the same page for the most part and are somewhat cognizant of the ultimate futility that our fandom is wrought with.
I, for one, would much rather read pieces like this one than a fucking dime-a-dozen 40-man roster breakdown. Jesus Fucking Christ, if there is a member of the 40-man that regulars here couldn’t rattle off ten factoids about, I’d like someone to point him out.
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
Will Owns RR
philofthenorth - February 5, 2012
These articles help make RR special
And are part of what have made it my favorite Royals blog by far. Will, don’t stop doing what you do. I enjoy the fine balance of giggles and analysis I get here.
royaljester - February 6, 2012
Will alway's trying to steal credit
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
Dammit
That made me look like an idiot.
NotAHippie - February 5, 2012
That Wasn't It
philofthenorth - February 5, 2012
i anxiously await your contributions...
every website needs someone to police who breaks stories first and what can/cannot be published on the main page
billybeingbilly - February 6, 2012
Minor correction
I believe it’s actually “one and the same” rather than “one in the same.” I’d never been sure, so I looked it up. The interwebs, who are infallible, seem to believe it is the "and’ version of the phrase.
Old Man Duggan - February 5, 2012
Well, the jig is up. How did we never figure this out?
KeepItCopacetic - February 5, 2012
we trusted
and we had no reason not to
huge your wives a little harder tonight, fellas
its a cold world out there
Freneau - February 5, 2012
RR in all its glory.
philofthenorth - February 5, 2012
No one pays attention to the Royals
RoyalsRetro - February 5, 2012 via mobile
Give yourself an extra pop-tart, Will
Well done
buddyball - February 5, 2012
Virginia is 18-4
No way is Dayton coaching the team.
Kim DeJesus - February 5, 2012
and those of us who once attended
know that the Cavaliers may be having their best season since 1994-95, when they went 25-9. If the Royals follow with a similar feat, we’ll have even more reason to suspect Bennett/Moore of being entirely unanimous.
2X2L - February 5, 2012
Well, if they lose their next seven games...
KeepItCopacetic - February 5, 2012
we'll know
Freneau - February 5, 2012
Never forget 18-11
tiquanunderwear - February 5, 2012
I don't know if I should laugh or cry
Sure, it’s funny to joke about the “amazing” 18-11 start of 2009, but it’s kind of depressing to know that, other than 2003, that’s the only sort of success we’ve had in 18 years.
Maybe we should just let the 18-11 jokes go so as to not remind us of how pathetic the team we root for is.
Kim DeJesus - February 6, 2012
Keep Your Friends
Close, and your enemies closer.
philofthenorth - February 6, 2012
I wonder where "Dayton Moore" hides those extra inches
Bennett is listed at 6 feet, Moore can’t be taller than 5’7"
I call bs on this article.
:)
trauty - February 5, 2012
Don't mind the article... it's kinda funny.
But do you think they look similar, for realsies?
hawkinscm87 - February 6, 2012
It seems like a vague enough resemblance to warrant a piece in the beginning of February
when the biggest news we fans have had in the past month has been the release of a list on non-roster invitees and the signing of a 24-year-old Cuban defector who is presumably blocked by both Francoeur and Myers.
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
I thought they looked similar
while watching UVa basketball in November.
2X2L - February 6, 2012
Will Can Publish
His grocery list if he likes. I’d probably read it.
philofthenorth - February 6, 2012
these articles really arent my cup of tea....
but i just cant skip them…b/c something awesome always happens in the comments. i mean, this article has a 90% chance of causing harm to someone? that has to be a fucking joke. then we have the APer bringing the APer attitude telling will what he can/cannot publish…awesome
billybeingbilly - February 6, 2012
That person is serious.
The comment is neither cleverly dim nor outrageously over-the-top.
Old Man Duggan - February 6, 2012
Congratulations
When I read the headline I expected a really stupid article, but you exceeded my lowest possible expectations.
R_F - February 6, 2012
Surprisingly, Your Expectations
Do not interest me.
philofthenorth - February 6, 2012
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